Where I Stood
by Kapperz1212
Summary: Companion one-shot to Belated Birthdays, but able to stand alone. Bella comes back to the border of La Push, unable to cross, after fourteen years of absence. What happens when Jacob came to speak to her? Where I Stood by Missy Higgins, accompanying lyric


_Author's note- Exactly what happened between Jacob and Bella upon her return._

_Disclaimer._

* * *

_ I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening_

_'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cos she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

* * *

I froze at that sign. That huge, green, reflective sign. _No, _was all my body whimpered.

I could smell it. I could smell _her_. I knew that the war really was over. That victory had been his.

She was sitting in his Volvo. That stupid, silver car that I had learned to hate. Her alabaster hands were clenched around the steering wheel, her eyes wide and vacant as she stared at me. Those golden orbs pierced my heart, making it ache for the tender, brown color that I had yet to forget.

I cursed the waves of nausea that heaved my stomach, rolling through me. I despised the repulsion that swam through me, that instinctual disgust. The water in my eyes was from my memories, not what I was feeling while I was there, staring at her. My muscles were quaking underneath the skin, struggling to remain in one piece as my natural enemy locked eyes with me.

But she was so beautiful. She was so perfect. She looked just like I remembered…for the most part. I held my breath and bit my tongue, counting the agonizing beats of my heart. Her foot hit the mud of the road and she lifted out of the car, her trench coat not covering her head. I almost scolded her for not wearing a coat with a hood, telling her that she could get a cold walking around in the rain like that.

But she couldn't get sick anymore. The swift realization sent a jolt down my spine, raising nausea beneath my breastbone. She didn't get very close to me. I could see the apprehension in her eyes, the indecision in her face. And then those two syllables…

"Jacob?" Her voice was unbearably soft. That voice was so clear it could have rung through my cerebellum for eons and I wouldn't have tired of hearing it. My instincts pulled, no _yanked_, me from her, insisting that I put distance between myself and the new, colder Bella. But I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me. I knew I should have and I knew that it would have been for the best.

After all, she had been the one to leave me. She had been the one to rupture the whole of my heart. She had left me a mess for years. So, so many years.

It had killed me to see her go—literally, completely, excruciatingly destroyed me. But here she was. She was back. She was in front of me, defenseless…born anew as my one and only true blood enemy.

But she looked so good, so real. I wanted her. I wanted everything that I could _never_ have. _Ever._

The syllables fell clumsily from my lips in a breathy tone, "Bella."

She smiled then— a beautiful, unassuming smile that broke my heart. "I was scared you wouldn't talk to me…or even come at all."

My heart beat loudly in my eardrums. "I thought it'd be rude to ignore a long distance visitor."

She laughed. "I've missed you," she said. A rock formed in my throat, a solid ball of emotion. Years and years of emotion. _I've missed you_. She missed me. I'd dreamt of hearing those words for so long. But I had always dreamed that she would have been… _different_ when she said them…human, probably.

I opened my mouth to say something in return, anything, everything. But instead my tongue wrestled with itself, the words caught in my chords.

She cleared her throat. "It's okay, Jake, I didn't expect you to say it back."

But I wanted to, which was the bad part.

Her crystalloid hand brushed through the wet hair at her shoulders, "I bet you're wondering why I'm here."

_I'm just glad you came_, the inner me responded quietly. But the outer, more restrained me just nodded astutely. She stepped lithely back towards the vehicle, my clumsy Bella a far cry from the grace she now possessed. A sting of nostalgia pinched me, causing me to lose my breath.

"Do you wanna sit with me?" she asked teasingly, patting the passenger seat. My body was frozen, the instinctual hate in my muscles refusing to budge. I stared at that face. That perfect, soft face. I got lost in the face of the girl that I hadn't kissed enough times to convince her to stay with me, only enough to make it worse when she actually _did _leave. My stomached clenched. "Erm…may-maybe not?" she stuttered, adjusting to get out of the car.

My mouth chose then to begin functioning. "No, no. It's fine. We should talk." I forced my leg muscles to engage, shaking all the while. The ground under me seemed to be trying to suck my feet into it, keeping me from the destination. It felt like ages until I got to the passenger side door, gently easing it open.

The blast of sickly sweet scent that burst from the opening stung my nose and eyes, burning with the intensity. My nose wrinkled in disgust as I coughed out the spores that had seemed to gather in my throat.

"Sorry," she whispered, rolling all of the windows down in order to air it out.

"Its fine," I choked out, plopping onto the seat. My legs were cramped and I had to bend down to keep my neck from aching due to the position of my head.

"I usually sit there," she admitted, reaching over me to fidget with the gears that leaned the seat back and reclined it. I held my breath, ignoring the smell as she got close to me. My eyes roved over her slender frame, the opaque skin not much lighter than her…old self. Her shirt had lifted from the hem of the worn jeans, exposing the small of her back. My mouth watered at the sight, speeding the pounding of my heart.

When she had finally readjusted into her own seat again there were a long, few seconds of drawn silence. I braced myself and finally broke the fragile membrane of quiet. "So, long time no see."

She smirked. "Too long."

My breathing eased as I relaxed, it was still the same. Sort of. But what more could I ask for? "It's nice that you came to visit," I mentioned.

She nodded, pulling in a deep breath. "I've missed this place."

I gnawed on the edge of my tongue, agonizing over my next choice of words. "Bella"— the significant syllable came out in a hushed whoosh — "what are you doing here?"

"Ah, I guess I did forget to mention that." She gazed blankly out of the windshield, focusing on the drilling drops of rain. "I wanted to see how you were." She shrugged, and I looked over to her, stunned. Honesty shone in her eyes, clearer than the new color that inhabited them. "I didn't like our last goodbye."

"Neither did I," I commented dryly. The muscle in my chest cringed at the raw memory. "Does Edward know you're here?" The name brought a growl to my throat and a heat to my flanks.

"Yes." She smiled. "I have his car, don't I?"

"I didn't think he would have let you come." My voice was harsh.

"He doesn't have to _let me_ do anything, Jake," she said stubbornly. "He knew how much this meant to me." She went silent. I looked over to her and felt my torso wince at the sincerity that I saw in her face. "He knows how much you mean to me." She sighed. "Even after all this time."

"It's not the same," I swore. "_You _aren't the same."

"I know," she admitted. "That's why I waited here, over the boundary. That 's why I didn't know if you'd come."

"I smelled it on Claire," I told her, "and once she mentioned you I put two and two together. I just had to see for myself."

"Oh." Her voice was pained. "Well, if that's all…"

My hands were shaking as I balled them into fists, fighting the memories of her lips on mine. I recoiled from the images of her gorgeous, smiling face as she rushed out of the red truck and into my arms. I bit my lip when I recalled how her tiny hand had felt in mine. "Of course that's not all!" I cried, shoving out of the car. "That's never been all, Bella!" I yelled at her as she climbed out of the driver's seat, her eyes wide and wounded. "I _loved_ you! I loved you more than anything!" My form felt unreliable, like half of me wanted to change and the other wouldn't let it.

"I love you too, Jake," she promised. "You were…you _are_ my best friend."

I hated those words. I hated that title. It had ruined everything for me. "You were my _everything_," I spat. "I loved you so much sometimes that it hurt." My emotions flared in a sudden surrender at the beaten expression on her face. "Hell, I _still_ love you." The words flew out, unedited and inappropriate.

Her eyes squeezed shut and she pressed palms up against them, looking like she was about to cry. But I knew she wouldn't. Because I knew that she couldn't. My arms shivered, wanting to wrap my Bella in them. But they wouldn't have appreciated contact with this new, cold Bella. "What do you expect me to say to that?" she asked, her voice high.

"Nothing."

"I came here to tell you that I still care. That I think about you constantly." Her narrow shoulders quivered with invisible tears. "I wanted to tell you that I am sorry."

"For what?" I demanded. "For leaving? For _dying_?"

Her eyes sparked with irritation but she quickly suppressed it. She released a short breath from her lungs, deflating underneath her coat. "For hurting you."

"Thanks, then," I growled, feeling it heavily but expressing it minimally.

Her shoulders sagged as she looked down towards the ground, drawing wide circles with the toe of her rain boots. "Claire's beautiful." She changed the subject.

"Yes, she is."

"I'm happy for Quil."

"Me too."

"Did you ever…" she wondered, trailing off.

Did I ever imprint? I knew the question. I had asked myself one million times. I had been asked by other people four million times. The answer was always the same. No matter who asked me or how many times I insisted that the answer had to be different. It was always the same. No. I had not imprinted.

"No, I didn't."

She looked upset by this information. And I wasn't sure how to feel about that reaction, so I quickly flipped subject.

"Meat Head and Fly Boy were down here looking for you a couple of weeks ago."

She snickered. "I didn't tell anyone I was coming other than Edward. And he promised not to let anyone in on it either."

"Why wouldn't you tell them?"

She frowned, a crease forming between her eyebrows. "I didn't think they'd let me come."

"Good reason."

The air was empty other than the rain for awhile and I looked up to make sure she was still there. Her doe eyes were lucid and glassy, the curve of her lip tugged delectably into her mouth. "Do you have someone, Jake?"

"A girlfriend?"

She nodded.

"I think you could call her that."

She smiled. "I'll bet she's lovely."

"She is." _Because she looks like you._ The picture flashed in my head.

"I wish I could have met her."

"You would've liked her."

The smile on her lips was a careful one, a thoughtful one. "Do you love her?"

I dug through the chambers of my heart, searching out the truth to the question that I had been too scared to ask myself. "No," I said honestly. _Because I am still in love with you._ My heart added. "But I think I could."

Her eyes glinted with delight. "Then I'm happy for you."

The sun had long since retreated into its bungalow on the other side of the earth and the darkness filtrated around us. I peeked up to the moon and noticed that it had found its way to a break in the clouds, its silver face gleaming.

"Shouldn't you be howling or something?" Bella mocked, a succulent smirk on her lips.

I shrugged and offered her my wrist, "thirsty?" I asked with a raise of my eyebrow. She giggled, lighting up the dull pain in my heart.

She grabbed my hand, shocking it with her iciness. Her lips lowered to the top of it, the silk pressing against my skin. "Good luck, Jake." She winked.

"Thank you, stay safe."

She began to sit back into the car when she suddenly straightened, glaring incredulously at me.

"What?"

"I almost forgot!" She yanked a silver cell phone out of her pocket. "You changed your number, didn't you?" she said it in a jokingly irate tone.

I chuckled. "I think somewhere along the line it changed, yeah."

"Can I have the new one?"

"Sure, sure," I told her. I rambled off the digits and waved as she swerved back onto the road, blowing me a kiss.

I didn't know how I felt. I didn't know why I still hurt. I didn't know why I felt better. I didn't know why I still loved her. I didn't know why I felt freer to love Stormy.

But I did.

And it did feel better. And worse. At the same time.

Perhaps because it felt complete. I fiddled with the flip phone in my pocket, hoping she'd call sooner or later.

* * *

_Author's note- Leave your thoughts :).  
_


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